why is life so hard? idk, i know it’s not going to be easy, but it seems like its supposed to be less painful than what i’ve been going through. Freshman year was supposed to be fun, crackin, and full of memories. but lately, i can’t wait to forget each of these moments that have been passing me by. It’s always easy in the beginning, but as it goes on, it gets harder. it’s like i’m going through depression. no one wants me. i thank god for everything he’s given me, and i’m not asking for anything more. i just, want to let everything out. even if it means writing a blog that no one reads. i’m not the type that will tell everyone everything. thats not me at all. i’m full of secrets, so many, i lost count, as if i was counting in the first place.
first off, i’m so ashamed. i lost my virginity, at the age of 14. of course it seems like a good idea at first, but things that are fun, always seem to go wrong.. i could’ve been pregnant. its funny, because the boy, just like in movies, didnt help me through anything. until i told him i wasnt. this dumbass. i hate the fact that i do things and get the consequences, but when other people do things, it never seems to go wrong. my auntie told me not to compare to other people, but i cant help but wonder.
boys.. i hate them. one leaves, then comes another. you think he’s different, but they just keep proving me wrong. i like someone at school. hes mexican. i cant help but assume that he only likes mexican girls. all the flirting and what not seems to be a joke. i like him. i have him in a lot of my classes. we only really talk in one, and its ALWAYS the high-light of my day. i think about what he says to me everyday, and wonder if he really means what he says. hopefully, he does, because i think he does. i just want him to see i like him. i havent told many people. only 2 people know who he is. and i’m not planning on telling anyone else. i cant seem to trust anyone.
I have trust issues. no matter who you are, or even how long i know you. i wont tell you anything. the only reason why i’m doing this, is because people dont know who i am, therefore, they cant judge me. i’m happy thats that.
last, i HATE fake people. they piss me off. ughhh, i can feel the tears coming. i cant help but to cry when i think about this. its hard.
